Transcript: Misguided Tour

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Backpack Picnic
Episode: “Misguided Tour”

Tourist: Get this; get this, Wow, that’s great that’s totally great.
Tour Guide: Up here! Thank you for your patience, before we begin the tour I would like to o over the tour regulations I have had more than a few problems with the tour group this morning so everybody please just listen up. Does everyone here speak English? Ok, the tour regulations are as follows:
Rule number one, look, listen but do not touch. Many of the objects you will see on today’s tour belong to other people who do not know you and probably do not want you in their yard. Rule number two, there is absolutely no photography allowed. Rule number three you will each pay me twenty dollars cash at this time. You have a question?
Tourist in Blue: Can you break a twenty?
Tour Guide: Yes.
Tourist in Green: I only have twenty five dollars.
Tour Guide: Actually your cost is twenty five dollars.
Tourist in Green: Oh, ok great, cool, well lucky.
Young tourist: We feel like real boneheads here, yeah it looks like all we have is this card.
Tour Guide: That will work.
Young tourist: Aww, thank goodness.
Tourist in blue 2: I don’t have any cash.
Tour Guide: We do also accept bling…
Tourist in Blue 2: Alright, oh thanks man, I didn’t know what I was going to do. You were all like; oh I need twenty dollars cash. Fantastic thank you, thank you.
Tour Guide: Alright everybody follow me. This is a bush. Native to this region these bushes thrive on dirt and water.
This is grass; you walk on it, unless there is a sidewalk. You have a question?
Tourist in Blue: Can you break a twenty?
Tour Guide: Yes. And if you all follow me down the sidewalk, you probably will realize that not only is the sidewalk flatter than the grass but it also brings us right back where we started. This concludes the tour of the front lawn of these apartments, thanks very much, and have a great day.
Young tourist: cheese, switch it your turn. Yay, got you. Wow, this is special, better get mine, better get mine. Cheese, up no get in closer, put your arms out really wide, more flair. 1, 2, 3, tour.